yall just need some fucking hobbies.
I got something else to say…again
More people need some fucking hobbies, man. And listen, I don’t mean that in the cute little “find something you enjoy” Pinterest way cause you saw an influencer try it. Or actually, maybe I do. I’ve just been thinking lately about how much time we spend consuming. Consuming content, conversations, opinions, other people’s lives and all the shit everybody thinks we should be doing with ours. It’s constant. And somewhere in between all of that, I think we’ve gotten a little disconnected from simply having shit in our own lives that we genuinely enjoy.
As my daddy always says, “It’s these damn phones!” And y’all know I hate agreeing with a man, but unfortunately, I think he might be right. I think social media has completely fucked up the lens through which we view other people’s lives, and especially our own. We see somebody traveling every other month, and suddenly our life feels boring. Somebody gets engaged and now we’re wondering why you’re still single. Somebody buys a house, gets a promotion, loses weight, starts a business, has a baby, gets flown to fucking Paris, and suddenly we’re looking around at our own life like…well what the fuck am I doing? I’m finna’ tell you.
You ain’t doing anything that you want to do. The crazy part is, we also have absolutely no idea what the rest of their life looks like. And we ain’t supposed to. We’re comparing our entire existence to the pieces of theirs they decided were worth showing us. Which, on social media, could be fake, BUT also remember that everyone isn't living a facade. Some folks’ lives are that good…to them. But here’s the other thing I don’t think we talk about enough: sometimes we could literally be doing the same shit we’re sitting around envying. * Write that down. Maybe not the exact same way, with the same money or circumstances, but some version of it. You’re watching somebody take themselves to dinner, wishing you had somebody to go with. Girllll, make the fucking reservation. You’re watching somebody learn tennis thinking that looks fun. Go take a lesson, Serena. You’re watching somebody travel, wishing your life was more exciting. Book the damn trip. Or even a staycation in your own city. Sometimes it’s not that somebody else has access to this magical life that we don’t. We’ve just gotten so used to watching people’s lives that watching has somehow started feeling like participation. With no invite at that.
But I think there’s another side to this conversation too. Sometimes we’re so busy looking through the window of everybody else’s life that we don’t realize how little attention we’ve been paying to our own. We know what everybody else is doing, where they’re traveling, who they’re dating, what they bought, what they accomplished, and what they had for fucking brunch. You can run down every detail of somebody else’s joy, hobbies, and day-to-day life without missing a beat, but ask you what brings you joy and suddenly you’re stumbling over your fucking words. What do you like to do? What excites you? What do you look forward to? And why the hell is that harder to answer than what somebody you barely know did last weekend?
Maybe that’s why other people’s lives start looking so damn interesting. It’s not always that they have something we don’t. Sometimes they’re just highlighting something that’s been missing from our own lives for so long that we stopped realizing it was missing. And the funny thing is, the solution isn’t always some huge life-changing revelation. Sometimes you just have to start doing shit again.
Not having things you like to do as part of your schedule is a depletion that can sneak up on you because technically everything is fine on the surface, or what you keep lying to yourself and saying. You work. You pay your bills. You handle your responsibilities. You come home. You scroll. You sleep. You wake up and do that shit all over again. boriiiiing. Nothing is necessarily wrong, but nothing is really lighting you the fuck up either. And because you’re functioning, you don’t immediately recognize that something is missing. You just know everybody else’s life suddenly looks more exciting than yours. And you only know that cause of these damn phones!
That’s why I think people need some fucking hobbies. Not because everybody needs to stay busy, but because we need things that make us feel connected to our own lives again. whimsy! Joy! And all that good shit in the middle. Something that belongs to you. Something you anticipate. Something that makes you curious, excited, creative, challenged, or just fucking happy. Something you enjoy doing alone… (another convo) Because maybe the problem isn’t that everybody else is living some amazing life you missed out on. Maybe you’ve just been watching everybody else live for so long that you forgot to ask yourself what makes your own life feel fucking full.
I think a lot of us are underwhelmed by our own lives, and that’s part of why everything feels so damn heavy and boring at the same time. We’ve convinced ourselves that joy comes after something big happens. We’ll be happy when we lose the weight, get the relationship, make more money, buy the house, or take the trip. Meanwhile, random-ass Tuesdays are just sitting there waiting for us to do something with them.
And honestly, I learned that through walking, of all things. Y’all already know I will walk my damn feet off; I’ve got the holes in the bottom of my shoes to prove it. Somewhere between all those miles, walking became something that was just mine. It gave me somewhere to put my thoughts, something to look forward to and something to accomplish that had nothing to do with work, relationships, or anybody else’s expectations. Something I genuinely enjoyed and look forward to doing. I could put on my headphones, get some sun, disappear into my own little world, and come back feeling better than I left. Nobody had to participate. Nobody had to validate it. It just made me feel fucking good.
And we need more shit like that. Read. Travel. Cook. Learn to crochet or some. Join a book club. Read. (yes i put that shit twice, because…Reagan and Bush) Decorate your house for the seventeenth time because suddenly the lamp is fucking up the whole vibe. Learn something new. Do something you suck at. And PLEASE, for the love of Sky daddy, stop trying to monetize every fucking thing you enjoy. You can paint without opening an Etsy shop, Picasso. You can run without training for a marathon or trying to sell fitness courses. You can bake without taking orders, Martha. You can make candles without launching an LLC. Not everything needs to become a damn side hustle. Sometimes the return on investment is that you had a GOOD FUCKING TIME.
Maybe that’s also why we become so consumed with people. When you don’t have enough things filling your own cup, you start expecting relationships to become the whole damn pitcher. Now somebody taking three hours to text back has ruined your evening because, respectfully, you didn’t have shit else planned with your time. Somebody cancels a date, and suddenly your entire Saturday is empty, and you act like you can’t pivot and do nothin’ else! Somebody sets a boundary, and it feels like rejection because you built too much of your emotional world around having access to them, because your own depth is…nothing.
I’ve talked before about how boundaries can make certain seasons lonely. When you stop forcing relationships, stop overextending yourself, and stop putting shit back where you already decided it didn’t belong, life can get quiet as hell. But quiet and empty are not the same thing. Sometimes quiet is just space you haven’t decorated yet. Instead of immediately filling it with another person, maybe fill some of it with yourself. Please, you deserve some good ol’ time with yourself, but a lot of folks don't enjoy their own company, and that is why it’s hard for them to do things they enjoy alone. (babyy another conversation for another day)
Because people with full lives move differently, and I don’t mean busy lives. Busy will have you exhausted. Full means you’re genuinely excited about being alive. You’re not waiting until Saturday to experience a little joy or have some fucking fun. You’ll find yourself making plans on a random ass Wednesday simply because you can. And when you’re genuinely enjoying your own life, other people and their plans don’t bother you nearly as much. You’re not sitting around envying somebody else’s happiness or wondering why everybody seems to be having more fun than you. Hell, you’re probably on your third attempt at figuring out how to add more stars and suns to your own damn galaxy. And that’s the beauty of it. You’re so busy creating a life that lights you up that you don’t have time to be consumed with how brightly somebody else’s is shining.
Maybe happiness hasn’t disappeared. Maybe we’re just not fucking participating in it enough. We spend so much time watching other people live, analyzing how other people live and debating how other people should live that we forget to build lives we actually want to wake up to. And no, I’m not saying a pottery class is going to heal your childhood trauma. Please don’t piss me off. But what I AM saying is that life does need texture. And a Pottery class can add that. It needs little shit that belongs to you and reminds you that your existence is bigger than work, responsibilities, and whether somebody fucking wants you.
Because before we declare the entire human experience and this ghetto ass world a disaster (some parts are tho!), some of y’all need to put the podcast episodes down, close them apps up, log the fuck off, and go find something you genuinely enjoy doing. You might discover that life isn’t quite as boring as you thought.
You just needed some shit to do.
xoxo
Sho