“choosing peace” is bullshit

here i am annoyed again because the goal post on shit keep moving. This week we gon’ dive into this fake peace shit.

Fake peace shit, Sho? Lol yes! Hear me out though!

We need to talk about this new age version of “peace” because somewhere along the way, peace became less about actually being at peace and more about everybody wanting to appear unbothered. Everybody is protecting their peace. Choosing peace. Moving in silence. Using discernment. Cutting people off. Not explaining themselves. Not responding. Not engaging. Blah, blah, fucking blah.

Now, while I absolutely agree that choosing peace in the midst of chaos is sometimes the best thing you can do, but yall sometimes the shit don’t even be chaotic. Sometimes it’s just uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s a conversation you don’t want to have, a feeling you don’t want to sit with, or some shit you simply don’t want to address. But baby, sometimes that is not peace.

Sometimes you’re just avoidant. And no, not the buzzword version. The literal definition. Because words mean shit, and y’all already know social media loves to learn a new word and run that muthafucka into the ground.

According to my homie Webster, avoidant means “characterized by turning away or by withdrawal or defensive behavior.”

Now read that shit again.Turning away. Withdrawal. Defensive behavior.

So when every uncomfortable conversation gets met with “I’m choosing peace,” sometimes you aren’t actually choosing peace at all. You are quite literally avoiding. I think we’ve gotten so obsessed with appearing emotionally matoor (yes im grown lol) that we’ve somehow decided having a normal human reaction means you aren’t healed. If somebody hurts you and you’re angry, suddenly you need to “choose peace.” If you confront somebody, you’re doing too much. If you want clarification, you need to let the shit go. When did saying, “Hey, that shit kinda bothered me,” become a sign that you lack peace? Exactly, sounds stupid right.

And another thing, why the fuck is everything “hard” now? Hard conversations. Hard truths. Hard feelings. Everything that makes us even slightly uncomfortable suddenly becomes something we need to escape from. Like some shit ain’t that damn hard, however I do understand that capacity plays a part in uncomfortableness, Then here comes “I’m choosing my peace” when really the topic just made you uncomfortable and you didn’t want to deal with it. That doesn’t make any damn sense.

For the love of sky daddy, Uncomfortable does not automatically mean unhealthy. A conversation can be uncomfortable and still be necessary. Hearing something you don’t like can be uncomfortable and still be true. Being held accountable can feel uncomfortable and still be good for you. Hell, telling somebody how you really feel can make you nervous as shit and still be exactly what needs to happen.

I actually wish more people were more confrontational. And no, I don’t mean aggressive or disrespectful. Because we are already in a deficiency of people getting smacked, so don’t be stupid. But I do mean at least, be willing to have the fucking conversation. Confrontation is not inherently unhealthy. Sometimes confrontation is communication. Sometimes it’s accountability. Sometimes it’s two adults sitting in discomfort long enough to actually understand each other. Now everything uncomfortable is labeled toxic. Everything difficult is “heavy.” Every disagreement is disturbing your peace. Every uncomfortable feeling is your intuition telling you to run. And for the love of God, everything is not discernment. Because do not be fooled, Some folks do need a good ol CUSS OUT! A heated conversation with cuss words is still a conversation. (Sho said it is)

Sometimes you don’t want to have the conversation because you might hear something you don’t like. Sometimes explaining yourself requires vulnerability and emotional understanding you probably don’t even have to even have the conversation in the first place. Yeah I know that hurt. Sometimes your “moving in silence” is easier than standing behind what you actually feel. And can y’all answer this? If you are continuously moving in silence with all this damn peace you’ve chosen, why do we keep hearing about it?? We have become so afraid of looking bothered that everybody is being silent while somehow talking so fucking loud through reposts, quotes, subliminals, and TikToks directed at everybody except the person they actually need to talk to. Please unpack that with that lady.

Now, hear me out, I’m not saying everything deserves your energy, a response, or confrontation. At least not a nice response anyways. Absolutely the fuck not. Some shit people do to us deserves no reaction because they have quite literally got you so fucked up that there is nothing left to discuss. Block they ass expeditiously. Sometimes the disrespect was the closure, and explaining basic human decency to somebody would be a bigger waste of your time than simply walking away.

But there is a difference between choosing not to engage because engagement serves no purpose to stupid ass people and refusing to communicate anytime something becomes uncomfortable. One is a boundary. The other is avoidance. And only one gets you to the actual peace. We’ve gotten way too comfortable using peace as an exit strategy, and I think we need to get better at being honest with ourselves about which one we’re actually doing.

When did appearing like a fucking human being with actual feelings become a bad thing? You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to be disappointed. You are allowed to care. You are allowed to ask questions and have uncomfortable conversations. Peace isn’t pretending nothing affects you or any of the above does not matter. Sometimes you have to go through the uncomfortable shit to actually get to the peace. Because otherwise, what are we really protecting?

xoxo

Sho