on second thought…

I love changing my damn mind. And I mean I do it often. Every day is New Year’s over here if I wake up and decide I’m done, starting over, or switching directions. I’m doing that. I can have an entire weekend planned with brunches, drinks, and dilly-dallying, and in an instant decide I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to stay inside and work through my never ending TBR list. I send the group chat a text and boom, the couch wins!

There is something wildly freeing about deciding I no longer want to do something and honoring that without guilt. Sometimes that means cancelling. Sometimes it just means redirecting. Either way, I choose me. But that freedom has shown me something. A lot of people don’t feel like they can do that. And I’ll be honest, I’ve sat with that and wondered why. Why does changing your mind feel rebellious to so many? Why does choosing yourself feel like breaking a rule?

But that freedom has shown me something. A lot of people don’t feel like they can do that. And the more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realized it’s not really about brunch plans or cancelled weekends. It’s about people pleasing. It’s about obligation. It’s about the quiet guilt we carry when we don’t perform the version of ourselves everyone expects. Somewhere along the way, many of us tied our identity to being dependable, agreeable, easy. The strong one. The reliable one. The one who always shows up. The one who never flakes. The one who doesn’t change their mind because they “committed.” (committed is being used very loosely here)

So when we feel the internal shift, when our spirit says actually… nah, we don’t want to do this anymore, it feels like betrayal. Not of the plan. Of the persona. But betrayal to who??

Changing your mind forces you to confront who you’ve been performing as.

If I cancel, will they think I’m inconsistent?
If I pivot, will they think I lack discipline?
If I say no, will they love me less or not invite me anymore?

And that’s the real weight. Because it was never about the reservation. It was about the approval from other.

People pleasing convinces you that keeping everyone comfortable is your responsibility. Obligation tells you that once you’ve agreed, you owe the world your presence even if it costs you peace. Guilt whispers that choosing yourself is selfish. (here to tell you all they asses lied)

Cause what if it’s not?

We’re living in a time where FOMO is loud as hell and people-pleasing is dressed up as being “nice,” and “reliable.” Saying yes feels easier than explaining no. Backing out feels like a character flaw instead of a human decision. We are living in times, where you won’t leave the relationship, you are afraid of anything new, don’t want to step outside of boxed others have drawn for you. Before you know it, you’re stretched thin in places that don’t even feel good anymore, holding commitments you agreed to out of guilt, momentum, or habit. All the while people you’ve never said no to begins to question your character as though a prerequisite is to always say yes.

Somewhere along the way, we forget that free will doesn’t expire once you say yes.

This past season alone forced me to sit with how quickly I always say yes, often without pause, without thought, without even considering an alternative. In my personal life and business. I paused my brand, Pretty and Prayed Up, not because I stopped believing in it, but because the way I loved it in the beginning had shifted. What started as joy slowly turned into pressure as the demand increased. The vision got louder and it wasn’t even my voice. The expectations got heavier. The thing I once enjoyed became something I never imagined carrying in that way.

Can I release a new shirt color every week?
Can I drop a new book every month?
Can I speak on a panel every quarter?

I kept saying yes. Even when the capacity kept showing me, I couldn’t. And in all those yeses, I stopped hearing myself. Saying yes in spaces where a no should have lived made the voice of what I actually wanted grow quieter and quieter.

So I changed my mind. (kinda)

Not dramatically. Not angrily. Just honestly. Rebranded instead because…on second thought! Deciding to relaunch with Yes’s that only made sense to me and what I was called to do… (Surprise is coming in 3 weeks ;)

I needed space to ask myself what this was supposed to look like years from now, not just what people wanted from me right now. We all know expectation from people change by the day. That came with the quiet understanding that some people wouldn’t get it. Some might feel let down. That’s uncomfortable, but it’s not fatal. People have to learn that they will be okay with decisions you make about your life! (re-read that if you will)

What’s more uncomfortable is betraying yourself just to avoid disappointing others.

As a former platinum card-carrying, burnt-the-fuck-out president of the People Pleasin’ Club, I can tell you firsthand that doing everything for everybody will drain you dry and still have folks asking for more. As though they damn cup ain’t running over already from your pour! The times I wanted to say no, I didn’t. The times I said yes while my spirit screamed otherwise, I felt stuck, like once I committed, I wasn’t allowed to change my mind. This also opened up the thought of who am I surrounding myself with that makes me feel as though Im disappointing them when I change my mind. (Because your circle should never be questioning your character if you’ve never gave them a reason to)

But on second thought… who made that rule?

The peace that comes from realizing you can change your mind is unreal. The kind of peace that settles in your chest when you admit, “I thought I could do this. I actually don’t want to.” Or even better, “I don’t feel like it anymore.” No long explanation. No justification tour. Just truth.

And yes, community does matters. Love does requires inconvenience sometimes. Showing up isn’t optional in every situation. There are times you must* say yes to dinner, the late night call from your friend to vent, the event etc. But even then, there will be moments when you’re just not up for it. Honoring that doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you honest with yourself.

This is your damn life. YOURS. Not a performance. Not a lifelong contract with every version of yourself you’ve ever been before. You are allowed to reassess. You are allowed to pause. You are allowed to decide that what once fit no longer does. That is not failure. That is awareness. And we all love a good pivot every now and again.

Changing your mind isn’t weakness. It’s clarity.

And the world will be just fucking fine with you changing your yes to a no.

Sho xoxo