all out of mf grace
mannn…I been sitting with something lately that feels uncomfortable af to admit, but honest nonetheless. I think I’m all out of grace. But like not in a bitter or hardened way, but in a very real, my cup has limits kind of way. I feel like somewhere along the line, “extend grace” became the default response to every fucking thing. Missed the mark? Give them some grace. Dropped the ball? Give them some grace. Poor communication, repeated behavior, the same patterns showing up again and again. Give them some mf grace!
And while I understand the heart behind it, or should I say the heart we are suppose to have behind it, what we don’t talk about enough is that grace is not an unlimited resource for repeated inappropriate behavior. The real grace is rooted in authentic and genuine relationships, in consistency, in knowing that someone is having an off moment, NOT showing you exactly who they’ve been all along. Grace is extended when there is a foundation that makes you want to give someone the benefit of the doubt, not when there is a pattern of carelessness being dressed up as a mistake. Like now its too much benefit, not enough doubt and Im tied.
And honestly, it stops being grace and starts looking like entitlement. It becomes the quiet assumption that no matter what happens, grace will always be there waiting. And that is where it becomes draining, because now you are no longer extending grace from a place of compassion, you are overextending yourself to compensate for a lack of accountability. And to think that you are entitlement to unlimited forgiveness and no accountability for correction is foolishness!
Lately, I have found myself so fucking tired, irritated, and holding space for things I said did not bother me, calling it grace when it was really depletion. Because nobody really talks about what happens when your grace cup runs empty, when you have understood, adjusted, and excused so much that there is nothing left to give without betraying yourself. Because people be knowing what they are doing with no consequences, in which they keep doing it.
What I am learning is that grace should be extended, not expected. It is not owed, it is not automatic, and it is not a free pass for repeated behavior. At some point, accountability has to meet grace halfway, and people have to recognize that the space you are holding for them costs you something. Grace sometimes comes with a return policy, and for some folks in my life- baby the dates have expired.
And let’s be honest real quick, an extension of grace is a privilege, not a right. Its something I GIVE to you. Yes, God calls us to extend grace, but just like many other scriptures, people love to hold onto the comfort of the instruction while completely ignoring the responsibility tied to it. Words mean things. (I know we are in a literacy crisis, Reagan and Bush will pay for their crimes) but Context matters! Grace was never meant to be manipulated into permission for repeated behavior or used as a shield from accountability. And if someone chooses to misunderstand that, that is theirs to carry, not mine.
And when that cost starts to outweigh the relationship, the effort, or the respect, it is okay to say you no longer have the capacity to keep extending grace in that space. Not out of punishment, but out of alignment. Protecting your peace is not the absence of grace, it is the wisdom of knowing where it should no longer be poured. Sometimes curtain just close because how many times can you keep sho’ing up to practice late?
I aint against grace, I am just no longer offering it where it is being taken for granted. And if accountability never shows up, grace eventually packs her things and leaves to!
xoxo
Sho