self care...or sacrifice

In a world where we are constantly told to be confident, know our worth, and love ourselves, it is funny how the moment a woman actually starts doing those things, everyone suddenly has an opinion. Mind you, an opinion that said woman never asked for.

And I think its because the truth is, self care has somehow become a dirty word.

As little girls, many of us watched our mothers, aunties, or older jazzy ladies perform miracles on empty. They worked day in and mf night, cooked dinner people complained about, cleaned the house people constantly made dirty, remembered everyone’s appointments while forgetting their own, packed lunches, folded laundry, showed up for every school event, prayed over everybody else’s problems, and somehow still apologized for sitting down for five damn minutes.

We called them superheroes. In reality, they were fucking exhausted, and for some not even appreciated. Their cup was not only empty. It had been dry for years.

But nobody seemed to notice because society applauds women for running themselves into the damn ground when the assignment is about others. Somewhere along the way, we inherited the belief that a good woman is a self sacrificing woman.

And you already know what I’m about to say, that’s that bullshit.

Because last time I mf’ checked, there is nothing noble about constantly abandoning yourself to make everyone else comfortable. And as the ex-president of the People Pleasing Community, there is NO reward for consistent neglect.

Somewhere along the way, women becoming more in tune with who they were, what they stood for, and simply taking care of themselves became labeled as selfish. We were taught that if we said no, rested, set boundaries, spent time alone, or simply chose ourselves for once, we were somehow failing the people we loved. Society has convinced us that we have to choose between caring for ourselves and caring for others, as if we are incapable of doing both! have you met women??

Again yall…bullshit!

It is a losing battle either way. If we choose ourselves, we carry guilt. If we neglect ourselves, we carry resentment. We become overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and completely disconnected from ourselves.

Nobody wins when the woman holding everything together is falling apart. Let alone when others around her don’t even see she is falling apart..

Think about how you introduce yourself.

You are a mama. You are a wife. You work xyz. You do abc. You list everything off like your identity starts with what you do for everybody else, instead of who you actually are. Without naming off your roles, your titles, your responsibilities, who are you really? The person before the accolades. Before the titles. Before society made you feel like everything else you carry is more important than you as the actual woman.

Because she matters too.

Every role you carry depends on the woman carrying it. If she is neglected long enough, eventually every other part of her life begins to suffer too. You cannot continue pouring into everyone else while pretending you have something left to give. Your damn cup is empty, baby girl. The remnants of what once was are gone.

Loving yourself is not selfish. Protecting your peace is not selfish. Setting boundaries and enforcing them is not selfish. Getting some damn sleep is not selfish. Saying no without feeling the need to explain yourself is not selfish. Changing your mind (my favorite) isn’t selfish.

That is exactly why society gets uncomfortable when women start choosing themselves, unapologetically. A woman who knows her value is much harder to guilt, shame, or convince that she must earn love through exhaustion. Because when you block out the opinions, narratives, and what people think she should be doing, the game changes.

So stop wearing burnout like it is a badge of honor. You don’t get no damn reward for that shit. There is no award waiting for the woman who gave every piece of herself away. There is no trophy for being the most exhausted. Only a nice booklet with a memorial of a woman who did all she could for everybody, but herself.

Choose your mf self. every single time.

And don’t let God’s raggedy kids make you feel bad because they think you love them less. But because you finally understand that you cannot pour from an empty cup, and you deserve a top shelf pour everyday out of your damn life.

And if people have

a problem with you protecting your peace, taking care of yourself, or setting healthy boundaries, just remind them that “they cant beat yo ass, so what they gon do about it?”

xoxo

Sho